Comic Critic Pillows

"I know you insisted on getting off here, but this area is for employees only. Are you sure you know where you're going?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Perpetual motion car

Unnatural Selection.

"Looks like they're going to have a dog fight."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

Honest Vending

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Polar bears

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"