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'Run! 73 million baby boomers are about to retire!'

Sayonara

'This one didn't turn out either. You must've moved.'

"I have a feeling they are going to treat us like dirt."

'I've cut down to one a day.'

Christies

'When i suggested you get another member for your tug-o-war team I wasn't thinking of Clive the Clydesdale and you know it!'

The little preservative that could

Church mice: 'We'd like to talk to you about cheeses.'

"Pardon? Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to someone else..."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"Are we there yet?"

On your 80th birthday.

Why money was invented.

"I know what you're thinking, but let me offer a competing narrative."

"Here. We promised you a big lab."

'You know there was time there, about 40,000 years ago, when we could have completely wiped them out if we had put our minds to it.'

"What sort of flowers say, 'I promise to obey the restraining order'?"

Old cat with its own stair lift

'Man, you've got to try this 'walking upright' stuff! - It's like a total paradigm shift!'

'Put it in writing!'

'What's the plural of baby?'

'You've done it now, David - Here comes his mother.'

"Of course you feel great. These things are loaded with antidepressants."

Fat exerciser buying endorphins

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'What clan do you belong to?'

"Don't think of it as buying more insurance, but getting me off your back."

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

"Another catalogue."

"I'm sorry, but this beach is for residents only."

"And would you be performing the actual surgery?"

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

'He's been rather deaf since the Big Bang.'

Moses' Reading Glasses