Comic Collector Pillows

'Run! 73 million baby boomers are about to retire!'

Sayonara

'This one didn't turn out either. You must've moved.'

"I have a feeling they are going to treat us like dirt."

Christies

The little preservative that could

'I've cut down to one a day.'

'When i suggested you get another member for your tug-o-war team I wasn't thinking of Clive the Clydesdale and you know it!'

Church mice: 'We'd like to talk to you about cheeses.'

"Pardon? Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to someone else..."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"Are we there yet?"

On your 80th birthday.

'Good news, it's not mad cow...it's March madness.'

Why money was invented.

"I know what you're thinking, but let me offer a competing narrative."

"Here. We promised you a big lab."

'This is going to be the best day ever!'

"What sort of flowers say, 'I promise to obey the restraining order'?"

'You know there was time there, about 40,000 years ago, when we could have completely wiped them out if we had put our minds to it.'

'What's the plural of baby?'

'Man, you've got to try this 'walking upright' stuff! - It's like a total paradigm shift!'

'I'm sorry, does that say $777? It should be $111. I mistakenly calculated your bill in dog dollars.'

'Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.' 'Ahhhhhh!'

'You've done it now, David - Here comes his mother.'

Old cat with its own stair lift

'Put it in writing!'

"Of course you feel great. These things are loaded with antidepressants."

Fat exerciser buying endorphins

"Don't think of it as buying more insurance, but getting me off your back."

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'What clan do you belong to?'

"I'm sorry, but this beach is for residents only."

Moses' Reading Glasses