Comic Chef T-Shirts

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Thou Shalt Not!

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Onion operation.

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Amy Sedaris

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

Chef De Party.

"More helium."

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Alphabet soup

Bake off: Flan B

"A votre sante!"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'