Comical Chef T-Shirts

'MUM,could you help me with this CAKE RECIPE,please?! I'm having trouble SEPARATING the EGGS!'

"Mom, Dad's cooking a gourmet dinner tonight...but first he needs your recipe for boiled water."

When Vegans Eat Out. . .

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Needs more kale.'

"More helium."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Alphabet soup

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Bake off: Flan B

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Three Pigs.

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

"For supper tonight, we'll have pizza, and cold pizza for dessert."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

Recipes.

"Tonight I'm making spotted bass. Tomorrow night, spotted spaghetti."

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'