Comic Calamity Fan Gifts

"Ahoy!"

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Disaster in the kitchen.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I shouldn't worry if I were you. You have a habit of landing on your feet..!"

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. XII

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

'That Noah's some sailor, the World is covered in water and he runs aground!'

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

'Holy shit!'

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

"The weatherman is always wrong. It'll probably end up being meteor showers."

"One day, son, all this will be....Never mind."

Cat scratching chair. Chair falls on cat.

'When the fire department arrives, Ms. Lilly... send them right in!'

'How's my son? He swallowed 50p?'

"... Till death us do part."

"So apart from the minor hiccup...how was your cruise?"

Dog Show: 'Bad news Muffy - you're being disqualified on a technicality.'

'Yup, I think mine are broke too.'

"The car you were conceived in was in an accident, but you weren't an accident."

'I told you she is a bad cook - that's just defrosting the chips.'

Children and cat crashing on cart

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

Jenny has a mid-lithe crisis.

A tree that only days earlier was standing perfectly upright on its own.

Falling rocks! It does not!

Slapstick

'It's easy to remember - if it's steam she's ironing and if it's thick black smoke she's cooking.'

'I can't stop, it's a stimulus package.'