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"Obsessive complacent disorder"

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"This is a man trap and some poor creature is caught in it now."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

Big screen TV.

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

Carpet Cows

"January 11. Still struggling with the novel. Chopped more firewood."

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

"I wonder which will come first. Me finishing this binge worthy Netflix series or another Netflix rate hike."

Exercise vs Laxative.

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

'Why would you need GPS? Have you suddenly forgotten how to get from the couch to the refrigerator?'

"There's the remote!"

"Today's weather forecast, is very accurate."

Two Cats 'I just love curling up without a good book.'

"Comfy?"

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

'Mongo - litter box!'

'I don't know where the television remote is, you had it last.'

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

Sleeping in skis.

'I don't get out of bed for this kind of money.'