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'When I said 'pipe and slippers' I meant...'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"That'll be five bucks."

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Lesser known greek gods,

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

Stairlift around cliff face.

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"