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Cockroaches struggle to use the ski lift.

"It's from that Alastair Cooke again"

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

Act as though you're in a screwball comedy.

Mobster Dogs Burying Bones

"All the Biden jobs went to illegal ALIENS."

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Oh, look. Here comes the winner of the miniature Marmaduke look-alike contest!"

'Oh, please! Not another of your 'my colleagues hate me' stories! I'm sure it's all in your head!'

'Barely an love and already arguing.'

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

Dirty Deeds

'And what about you cowardly lion, have you seen my little Toto...?'

'I do, providing I get equal time with the TV remote.'

''60 Minutes' will not be seen tonight, because all our reporters seem to have gotten themselves locked up in a Turkish prison.'

Achilles Goes to the Podiatrist

'The problem with his fancy air-conditioned car is that I can't stick my head out of the window anymore...'

'Oh,yeah? Well, I bet I've had a worse day than you!!'