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'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

Cockroaches struggle to use the ski lift.

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"The court granted me a new identity!"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

Baby's first words.

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

The start of a clinical drug trial. Your honor, we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt this pill is both safe and effective.

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...

"...And now show us what you said."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

'What could you expect? His owner kept calling him a bad dog!'

'If you plead guilty to being the Cat Burglar, I can get you off with just being declawed.'

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods