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"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Overruled."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'My client would like to enter a plea of inanity.'

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

'We need further instruction, your honor. Does a full house beat a straight?'

"My client demands a jury trial."

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'Clearly my client would be slim, healthy and attractive if MacBurger had adequately warned him of the dangers of eating every scrap of food in their restaurant.'

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a non-litigious volunteer."

'Yeah, I shot the guy, but only because I was misled by my advisors.'

"I think we should accept the prosecution's generous offer of a coin flip."

'My client did not escape, Your Honor -- his prison was so crowded, somebody pushed him out the window!'

'Are you capable of distinguishing right from wrong?', 'Can you give me a hint?'

"I'm not accusing you of anything, Your Honor. I'm just saying the tip jar may create an impression of impropriety."

'Your Honor, do we need the jury judging my performance?'

I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and you get some of it.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'No, doctor, you are not entitled to a second opinion.'

Bankruptcy Attorneys: "If you ain't broke, we can fix it."