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"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

The Jose Padilla Experience

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Not guilty?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Can you hear me now?"

"Overruled."

"Not guilty"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

I know "Ignorance of the law is no excuse" applies to defendants your honor, but

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

Clarence Thomas

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'I need some time off. I just discovered that I'm suing myself.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

Jury Room