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"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Not guilty?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Can you hear me now?"

"Not guilty"

"Overruled."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

Clarence Thomas

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'I need some time off. I just discovered that I'm suing myself.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'So I'll see you in court tomorrow afternoon...and bring your toothbrush.'

Jury Room