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'Pardon, Monsieur. What is time, please?' Man replies: 'Time is the non-spatial continuum in which events occur in irreversible succession from the past to the future.'

Fishing Stories

Newton - today: 'Help my research! Buy an apple 50 cents.'

A small man under a giant microscope.

'Catholic families believe in the holy acrimony of marriage.'

Fish caught in a snorkel.

"So, what's your secret?"

'What? You used a Welshman? The recipe specifically calls for a scot!'

'You did remember the condoms didn't you?'

"The gov't has approved operations abroad..."

"He was famed for his work in Pantomime"

Boomerang Birthdays.

'Actually the truth lies somewhere in between.'

'Don't you love fast food'

Crowing Rehearsals

Crash-test dummy alien in crashed UFO

Worst Coloring Book EVER. . .

Moonbillies.

"Call the pest control people! This is getting out of hand!"

"I enjoy cooking my pets and my family."

"It's true: no more burpees."

Medieval King

Dog urinating on tree on the back of a lorry

"Doesn't it strike you as strange that no one ha tried to steal our identity?"

Primitive lighter.

'Well, just goes to show - be careful what you wish for.'

He's got a gun!

'Caught only one then?'

"I told him. . . 'Norman, forget that woman! She's no good for you! I need you to run the Bates Motel! Norman! Are you listening to your mother?'"

'Hey! - Do these make me the Aleph-male?'

Moses attempted to initiate the frog plague on his own.

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

"The doctor at table 3 said he wanted his toast STAT."

Banana Quartet

"Actually, most people couldn't give a toss."