Comedy Songwriter T-Shirts

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

Occu-Pie Mars

Zombie standup

"We only got six days of funding."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Note Book

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

America's funniest election gaffes

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Soldiers' Ego

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

'This is the vineyard the US government started 10 years ago, with $2 billion and a staff of 1,500. No wine yet, but I hear they've nearly got a slogan.'

Celebrity endorsements? I thought you said celibate endorsements. No wonder we're coming in under budget.

Clive Anderson

Uncle Sam admires lipstick marks on his butt.

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

"The last doggy bag."