Comedy Scalpel Wielder Pillows

"Race you to the spleen!"

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. VIII

Act as though you're in a screwball comedy.

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

Anatomy.

"His baldness was way out of control, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."

Surgeon

'I'll need the large blade on this lawyer...I'm performing a radical crapendectomy.'

'Okay, you're not pre-vets anymore....'

'Dad, the baby has swallowed your nails.'

'May I remind you that this patient is a very successful lawyer specializing in medical malpractice?'

'After you' said Miss Manners. 'Oh you first' insisted Mrs Etiquette.

This could be interesting...

'It's a routine operation.'

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

'Are you mentally undressing me again professor?'

'I love working on these lawyers. They only have two parts, their mouths and their rears...and those are interchangeable.'

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

"You're not stepping on it right."

"And why exactly did you quit your job as a chainsaw salesman, Mr. Shloompf?"

"I'm sorry, but I made a big mistake by running off with you. I'm really in love with the fork."

Antoinne the Psychic.

Warning! Do not slam into this sign while chasing after fly balls.

'I don't know Arthur, I've heard the service is terrible here.'

"Seriously honey? You can't just pick a place to eat? Just pick a place already/ Damn!"

'Be the fish, catch the fish, Jack.'

Closed due to nasty Freudian slip.

Woman to skeleton - 'I told you not to go on a No Carb, No Fat, No Meat diet all at once..'

Desert Help Desk.

'Do I bother to check the pH of my home brew? No. Why?'

'Tonight Fi Fi goes all the way.'