Comedy Cutlery Lover Pillows

"I'm sorry, but I made a big mistake by running off with you. I'm really in love with the fork."

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Dreams I have had...

Cook and her Maids

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"It'll never be ready in time."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

'God, it's a relief to get away from that exhibition of a bit.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

"Life is pointless."

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

Whipping Cream

Origin of the 'spork'

'We need more cake shows!'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

Road Kill Cafe.