Comedy Cutlery Lover Mugs

"I'm sorry, but I made a big mistake by running off with you. I'm really in love with the fork."

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I love it when you spoon me.'

Dreams I have had...

Cook and her Maids

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"It'll never be ready in time."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

'God, it's a relief to get away from that exhibition of a bit.'

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

Origin of the 'spork'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

Whipping Cream

"Life is pointless."

'We need more cake shows!'

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'