Kitchen Comedy Lover Pillows

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

Scones Hot Line

"You can't call the fire brigade every time you burn the toast, Norma."

"How do you get cookery programmes on this?"

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

The Romance Between the Tap and the Cup.

'Did you put my leftover stew in the emergency details again, George?'

Egg Beater

Sloshed in kitchen.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

"It'll never be ready in time."

Doing the washing up.

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

'Listen, Blender, I'm not flashing you on purpose to flirt. My clock just hasn't been set.'

The Toast Hunter

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

"I'm not going to sit here and take orders from a taco!"

"Sticky rice is ready to go."

Dishwasher of the Future

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."