Comedy Kicker Gifts

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

Football

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

Sudok Fu: Sign up for class today!

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'It is now safe to kick and swear at your computer'

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

Professional football.

Football Bomb

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

Ref shows footballer green card.

"If the Ref doesn't give that, it's the end of football!"

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

Football

Cat boxer

'As an exercise I placed eleven dustbins on the pitch and made the team dribble around them...The bins won 5-0.'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

After review, the replay confirms a touchdown, and also that big, jiggly bellies look hilarious in slow motion.

'Billy loved to play with his computer'

'I just can't say for certain. They all look the same in those uniforms. ...All I know it that he said he kicks field goals for a living.'

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

"He cost a million pounds, they should've spent another tenner on a pair of glasses."

What's that annoying buzzing noise? (Vuvuzelas)

'You can't go around writing graffiti on every wall you see!' (Football defensive wall).

'Nesbitt will do all our Monday morning quarterbacking.'

'When you've got a minute, give this a bowl of milk.'

'Foot balling phillistines, how soon they forget.'

"Fish and chips are off!"

'We're the only country where cats refer to this as playing with a ball of string. Everywhere else it's known as football.'

French football explained - 50p.