Comedy Kicker Gifts

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

Football

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

Sudok Fu: Sign up for class today!

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'It is now safe to kick and swear at your computer'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

Professional football.

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

Football Bomb

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

Ref shows footballer green card.

Football

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

Cat boxer

"If the Ref doesn't give that, it's the end of football!"

'As an exercise I placed eleven dustbins on the pitch and made the team dribble around them...The bins won 5-0.'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

'I just can't say for certain. They all look the same in those uniforms. ...All I know it that he said he kicks field goals for a living.'

'Billy loved to play with his computer'

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

"He cost a million pounds, they should've spent another tenner on a pair of glasses."

'You can't go around writing graffiti on every wall you see!' (Football defensive wall).

What's that annoying buzzing noise? (Vuvuzelas)

'Nesbitt will do all our Monday morning quarterbacking.'

'Spit him out, Vince! This is just practice. Save the rough stuff for the game.'

"Fish and chips are off!"

"The Boss said that I should d more diving inside the box..."

'We're the only country where cats refer to this as playing with a ball of string. Everywhere else it's known as football.'

French football explained - 50p.

'Foot balling phillistines, how soon they forget.'