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At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"Happy Birthday!"

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Solitaire card shark.

'You'll grow into it!'

A giant cat sleeps fitfully with four humans on the bed

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

'This milk smells funny.'

'I know you felt great after ten laps around the track, Mr. Fandella, but remember you were driving.'

'Wow -- Grandpa's got an immobile phone!'

"Judging by the survival gear, fishing pole and grill, I'm guessing he's an outdoor cat."

The Next Product For Boomers: Designer Adult Diapers.

Extra wheelie bin for cats.

Helicopter as a clothes drier

What are you doing? - 'I've set up an e-commerce site.' - 'What are you selling?' - 'Signed copies of my old boxer shorts.' - 'Washed £7. Unwashed £23.' - 'Yeah, baby. Market forces.' -

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.

'Whatever's the most durable. This is the fifth year it's been regifted.'

'I just feel so much better buying the free range Pinatas.'

That's very thoughtful of you - a check for five gallons of gas.

Useless gifts for elephants.

"I have this 'I love Susie' tattoo on my chest and I married Doreen yesterday!"

"I've had enough of this diet. It's costing me to eat less."

Ernie was sick and tired of socks and jocks every Christmas.

"I thought this would be the year I'd come for you, but I guess not. So I got you a birthday card instead!"

Shampoo for Normal Hair, Oily Hair, Dry Hair, Hair that is Beyond Description.