Comedy Gifts Gifts

"You can't blow out the candles. You're rolled."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"Happy Birthday!"

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

Solitaire card shark.

'You'll grow into it!'

A giant cat sleeps fitfully with four humans on the bed

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

'My graduation gown got lost at the cleaners. Think anyone will notice this Snuggie?'

'This milk smells funny.'

'I know you felt great after ten laps around the track, Mr. Fandella, but remember you were driving.'

"Judging by the survival gear, fishing pole and grill, I'm guessing he's an outdoor cat."

The Next Product For Boomers: Designer Adult Diapers.

'Wow -- Grandpa's got an immobile phone!'

'Oh great...another new tie.'

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.

Extra wheelie bin for cats.

Helicopter as a clothes drier

What are you doing? - 'I've set up an e-commerce site.' - 'What are you selling?' - 'Signed copies of my old boxer shorts.' - 'Washed £7. Unwashed £23.' - 'Yeah, baby. Market forces.' -

A.I. Newreader Malfunctions. . . or does it?

'Whatever's the most durable. This is the fifth year it's been regifted.'

'I just feel so much better buying the free range Pinatas.'

Useless gifts for elephants.

That's very thoughtful of you - a check for five gallons of gas.

Ernie was sick and tired of socks and jocks every Christmas.

"I have this 'I love Susie' tattoo on my chest and I married Doreen yesterday!"

"I thought this would be the year I'd come for you, but I guess not. So I got you a birthday card instead!"

"I've had enough of this diet. It's costing me to eat less."

" ... an end to all the violence in the world, and a set of nunchucks."