Comedy Craver Pillows

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

Ventriloquist.

The Judgment of Paris

"Tonight is open mike, n'est-ce pas?"

What're we watching tonight? Gadgetpalooza IV!!! 60 Minutes, The Lost Files. Gadgetpalooza. The irredoubtable 60 Minutes. A mad scramble for the remote control. Censored for the sake of the squeamish. The common denominator in an era of too much programming choice: Youtube video showing skateboarding rabbit. Woof. Crash.

'Yo yo brother, I gotta bounce.'

"This fishing trip is brought to you by Jack's Lures..."

"You've been letting him watch flipper again haven't you ?"

'Don't say I never did anything for you.'

"We're either going to have to remove it or put instructions on it..."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Bond James, Bond."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Showbiz Awards

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Director/Action Man toy.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

The first car accident.

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'