Comedy Conjurer Fan Gifts

"The card you are thinking of is... the fifth of Jacks!"

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Late BroomStick

Dog in casino.

'Think, son! What was that formula you fed that tree?!'

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"This way I don't have to lug around that big bag."

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

Goldylocks and the Three Beers.

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'How come this sheep tastes like sugar?'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

Bus for Giraffes.

'There's been an update. Instead of abracadabra, it's option/control key.'

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

The Tin Man really should have asked the wizard for common sense.

JEEZ! Who the hell is drawing you?

"Take a letter, any letter"

'Hey! When did you learn cursive?'

"Let 'em try to regulate this!"

"I've finally accepted the fact that I am full of it. . . with the help of my psychiatrist."

Baby delivery

The emperor penguin's new clothes.

Fallen Angel.

Scare Doe

Fancy a twinkle before supper?

' I can't drink that..I'm a recovering alcoholic ! '

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

You know I'm never going to say when, right?