Comedy Club Golf Fans Gifts

'I realize this is a tough green, but to have 68 putts is beyond belief.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Donald Trump Playing Golf With Hair On Fire

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'I'm not quitting! Who knows if i'll ever get another chance to break a hundred!'

'Hole in one!!!!'

'I don't think there's any hope for my golf game.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Would you like to try them out?"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

Hole in forty-seven.

"Stand-up comedy." "On-your-knees-with-gas-pain comedy." "Please, God, make it stop..."

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

The natural selection process in golf.

'...And in local weather, Ken's cologne has clashed with Trish's hair spray, causing a thunder shower over the news desk.'

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

"Well, yeah, Doc, I twisted my back a little...but it was the longest golf shot I've ever made!"

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'

'I know Joe's sight isn't all that but the captain's not going to like it.'

'They're a nuisance, but they keep the smaller vermin down.'

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"

Mulligan's first mulligan.

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

'Keep playing like that and you'll strike oil!'

'I knew it! Come back here!'

'You're the only person I know who takes divots on the green.'

ABC Airplane Food Manufacturing Co: Supplying Lame Jokes To Comedians for 35 Years.

Custard Pies - Serving Suggestion

"Hoo-whee! Nice shot, Tom. You just missed the trap."

Lap Line-Dancing Club

'Have I told you that sometimes I become furious, that I've got a previous conviction for bodily harm and that I hate to lose?'

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

"Chinese food? I'll call it in if you'll pick it up."