Comedy Channel Devotees Pillows

"Wow, this comedy channel really is hi-def."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Horror movies

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"That'll be five bucks."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"It's true: no more burpees."

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

The First Fire Stick

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

Stairlift around cliff face.

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

Divine Desk Bins

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Standard & Poor

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

"He looks just like your husband."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Generic Store: Sign in Window

'What? You used a Welshman? The recipe specifically calls for a scot!'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'