Comedy Caption Chuckler Pillows

'You just stood there and let them put a bell on you? -- What were you THINKING?'

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Bless you!'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

'Can you let me have five till Obama bails us all out, sir?'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"Some say the world will end in noodles, some say in rice."

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'