Comedy Art Fan Gifts

"Someday we'll look back at this as the golden age of childhood obesity."

'I don't think this is how we draw them to see who goes first.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Braiding a Horse's Tail

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

A Fairytale Update

Vlad the Impala

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"That'll be five bucks."

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"Look! No hands!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot