Comedy Art Fan Pillows

"Someday we'll look back at this as the golden age of childhood obesity."

'I don't think this is how we draw them to see who goes first.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Braiding a Horse's Tail

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

A Fairytale Update

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Vlad the Impala

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"That'll be five bucks."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"Look! No hands!"