Comedy Fan Pillows

Hamlet's Duplex

"Thanks, anyways. But I think I'm just gonna poop somewhere in the house tonight."

"It's like a business. Concentrate on the bottom lion."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'Hey, there's some clown here that says we got his order by mistake.'

Coping with ducks

"Have your people get in touch with my people."

Ostrich has head in sand to watch TV set

'Who gets the penile implant, him or me?'

A Golfer's Funeral

The Scream at the movie theater.

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

A truck salts the road.

"It's not enough to just show up. You have to have a business plan."

"Laughter is the best medicine, but your insurance only covers chuckles, snickers and giggles."

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

I'm having trouble breathing.

"Listen, when the side effects of this medication kick in, you'll forget what was wrong in the first place!"

Santa Self Esteem.

'I'll have to think about this...I don't want to make any rash decisions!'

'Here is the mood elevating medication that your doctor prescribed. The less costly generic version is called chocolate.'

'Good news! At the current rate of global warming we should be able to just swim over there and eat him in under five years.'

"I asked for a sand wedge!"

Man searching for book in sections entitled 'Do it yourself' and 'Get someone else to do it.'

Snow Globe Fortune Teller

'This 32 year-old male was admitted last night with fever, chills, nausea, sweating and severe abdominal pain.'

"Hollow - just as I've always suspected."

"Great location, new roof, central air, underground storage tanks full of toxic waste, double garage, ceramic tile?"

Opportunity knocked.

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Do you have a longer straw?'

As is often the case, many of the world's great discoveries are accidental.

'How are you not seeing this? Of course doughnuts are a hole food!'

Robinson Crusoe's blog.

'It appears to be a side effect of those herbal eye drops you've been using.'