Comedically Inclined Critic Pillows

"My trust in politics is limited. The dogs of the left pee on me just as much as the dogs of the conservatives."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

Pop up begger.

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble