Comedic Tales Appreciator T-Shirts

Student with armload of money in front of class: 'I won't be finishing school. You see, I spend my lunch hours over at the casino ...'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

Three Little Pigs in a Cyclone

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

'Yes, he did turn into a price, but there were complications.'

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

A truck full of radioactive waste with no particular place to go...

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

"He decided to write a travel book..."

Eight medieval characters from the Canterbury Tales.

Eskimo in Igloo

I'm the gorilla's nuts... I'm the dog's bo****ks... He's never been good at hiding his light under a bushel.

"I know I encourage employees to take initiative, Tom... but I think you should change that back!"