Comedic Speaker T-Shirts

Hanger Management

"What kind of fuel am I. . . ?"

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

Zoo: No Hunting.

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Dance of the sugar plum tax attorneys.

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

No Instruments Please

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

Jumble Sale

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

Tree growing

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'

"Complaining empowers us."

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

"Where do you see yourself 5 years ago?"

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

"I have an existential dread of falling off your couch."

Fisherman Funneral

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."