Comedic Souls Pillows

"Hey! Skiing is fun. We just did a double green square, how hard can this be?"

Washing Machine Torture

'The girl I marry is going to have a condominium, a house in the country, a fancy car, and a good job to pay for it all.'

'It's a good bra... a man can open it with one hand.'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Get crazy once in a while

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

X-RAY

I'm getting old, I spotted a couple of brown hairs among the punk.

'Well, given that you have three broken ribs, laughing is bound to be painful...'

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

"It's our latest celebrity scent, it's called Elon Musk. It smells like money!"

How cats see their home

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'I wish I looked like a model.'

'Nice this kite sailboat. But how do you actually land it?'

'I warned her that too much dieting could be a danger to her health!'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

"I'm $37,000 in debt for my theatre degree. I may be acting, but my tears are real."

Birds in a birdhouse watching TV.

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

"Do I look like the sort who knows anything about lawns?"

20 Volts for Wavy Hair, 50 Volts for Frizzy Hair, 100 Volts for Curly Hair and 500 Volts for Hair beyond description.

'The only good drive I made all morning was the ride back from the stupid golf course.'

'Man, why don't you get a life!'

"Hey, baby - that doesn't mean you!"

Spider Facts.

He's working his way up to lions!

"I know you won the lottery George, but is this the best you can up with?"

"Your uniform has arrived for working for the royal male."