Comedic Charitable Soul Pillows

"Get over yourself George, it was only a $100 donation."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

Get crazy once in a while

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

Breast Height Chart

"My wish is simple—to give something back to the community."

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

"Happy Birthday!"

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

"Before I start. . . . are you sure pruning doesn't violate the tree's rights?"

Biological Alarm Clock.

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

I'm getting old, I spotted a couple of brown hairs among the punk.

'Well, given that you have three broken ribs, laughing is bound to be painful...'

Washing Machine Torture

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

'You'll grow into it!'

How cats see their home

Pirate Paddle Boat.

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."