Comedic Soul Searcher T-Shirts

"I'm trying to find the end of this roll of tape ..."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

Breast Height Chart

"I haven't felt that overwhelming urge to create, but then again I haven't felt much of anything lately."

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Christian and Born again Christian...

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

Existential Risk

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

'It's not considered good form to brag about extinguishing your ego.'

Washing Machine Torture

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

"The meaning of life at a glance"

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

"I'm competitive,cruel,glad when my friends fail...I've no idea why I'm here."