Comedic Saver Pillows

"I'd like to open a new account and transfer some funds."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"I'm sorry, honey. I thought you'd be happy that your germ-ridden blanket was such a hit on eBay."

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"They weren't doing a two for one on moisturisers, low fat yogurt or muesli then!!"

"Did you hear? It turns out old power cords are really valuable! Good things Dad kept them!"

Must Adopt As A Pair.

The Mattress Savings Bank

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"It's a small fridge, honey. Not everything is going to make the cut."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

"Of course being celibate, all my advice is second-hand via the internet..."

'I had a wonderful evening, Oswald but this wasn't it,I'm afraid!'

A Close Call

"We could repair this one of a kind globe that has been in the family for many generations or just throw it away."

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

"We saved all your old diapers."

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

Reverse piggy bank

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"Sometimes I just enjoy listening to some of my favorite old messages."

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'But it's my favourite jumper...'

"Clean your wallet, sir?"