Comedic Saver Pillows

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

"I'm sorry, honey. I thought you'd be happy that your germ-ridden blanket was such a hit on eBay."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"They weren't doing a two for one on moisturisers, low fat yogurt or muesli then!!"

The Mattress Savings Bank

Must Adopt As A Pair.

"Did you hear? It turns out old power cords are really valuable! Good things Dad kept them!"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"It's a small fridge, honey. Not everything is going to make the cut."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Of course being celibate, all my advice is second-hand via the internet..."

A Close Call

'I had a wonderful evening, Oswald but this wasn't it,I'm afraid!'

"We could repair this one of a kind globe that has been in the family for many generations or just throw it away."

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

'But it's my favourite jumper...'

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

Reverse piggy bank

"Sometimes I just enjoy listening to some of my favorite old messages."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

"We saved all your old diapers."