Comedic Relief Seekers T-Shirts

'Hello, Census Bureau? Another one of your census-takers fell asleep on our doorstep!'

Where Were You When Joe Biden Made History?

Memento 2: Pandemic Parenting

Biological Alarm Clock.

Noah's Dinghy

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.

"Teacher says he has to use his own money to buy supplies. Can I help him out by dropping out of school?"

"Please rate our customer service. For Nasty Insults, Press 1...."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

The Alpha Seltzer

No littering...

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

My God, I need to fart.

Super Heroes.

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Eat me"