Comedic Relief Seekers T-Shirts

'Hello, Census Bureau? Another one of your census-takers fell asleep on our doorstep!'

Memento 2: Pandemic Parenting

Biological Alarm Clock.

Noah's Dinghy

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.

"Teacher says he has to use his own money to buy supplies. Can I help him out by dropping out of school?"

"Please rate our customer service. For Nasty Insults, Press 1...."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

Super Heroes.

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

My God, I need to fart.

"Eat me"

No littering...

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

The Alpha Seltzer

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"