Divine Comedic Relief Seeker T-Shirts

This prayer may be monitored or recorded for quality purposes. Please hold. A representative will be with you shortly.'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

The Alpha Seltzer

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

Super Heroes.

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

"Eat me"

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

My God, I need to fart.

No littering...

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"