Comedic Realtor Pillows

"And here's the basement – or as I see it, the poor man's French Riviera."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Efficiency tombs available"

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'Is the fire included?'

We're looking for a house with a bigger crawl space… Realty.

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Real estate.

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'