Comedic Realtor Pillows

"And here's the basement – or as I see it, the poor man's French Riviera."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'Is the fire included?'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'