Comedic Cupid Gifts

'-and if you think he's fat wait until you see his wallet!'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Diving Cat.

"How sweet, you texted me. . . I love you too!"

Woman tries to catch a footballer.

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'I think Benjamin like me. He linked my homepage to his homepage.'

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

Happy Valentine's Day.

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

No, Hal, I don't have a picture of you in my wallet, but much better than that...you're my screen-saver at work!

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

Hubble Telescope

"I'm sexually attracted to space."

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

'Sylvia, what do you say we take the big step and see if we could really stand one another offline...?'

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

"I'm internet dating. I'm looking for someone I can morph and tweak."

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

"He decided to become a divorce lawyer!"

Artist

"Well Frank, now I've met you, I think I'll adjust my visibility, click profile, locate visibility options and make myself available for a second date..."

"You may 'have a thing for Earth women' Mr. Zing. But I'm afraid we don't have any on our files that express a similar interest in Venusian men."

"Right swipe, right swipe, right swipe..."

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

"You bring the tequila, and I'll bring the Lyme."