Comedic Coven Leader T-Shirts

"Is that your resting witch or resting bitch face. . .?"

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

Zoo: No Hunting.

Breast Height Chart

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

"Before I start. . . . are you sure pruning doesn't violate the tree's rights?"

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"Lately, I've thinking about getting a motorcycle ... "

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

Excommunicate Me.

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

Tree growing

'... and then he slammed the door in my face...'

Pirate Paddle Boat.

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'