Comedic Conflict Fan Gifts

Two men arguing on a train journey

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

Loggerheads

Man is injured transporting cacti.

'Evil Olive'- An evil olive has taken out his co-workers with cocktail swords.

Knife-thrower.

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

'I don't think his fists can take much more of the punishment your head's inflicting on them.'

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

Scuba Skater

"Any luck"

"One day, son, all this will be....Never mind."

LARGE FRONT

"Well, of course you have a heart."

Blower wars.

Police taking pizzas from crashed pizza delivery bike.

'That's a male-pattern bald-faced untruth.'

Dog Show: 'Bad news Muffy - you're being disqualified on a technicality.'

'Yup, I think mine are broke too.'

"I have come to remove all the people from your planet."

I thought you wanted me to sell your car.

Look at you. The vacant stare

Jenny has a mid-lithe crisis.

Falling rocks! It does not!

'Say, aren't you the building inspector who gave us such a hard time when we were building a house last year?'

An Oarsman

Attack using an offensive weapon

'Well you said you were hot, so should I turn the fan on or not?'

Argentea Vulgaris

'Mr. Beegley will see you briefly.'

'I shudder at the thought of a clone of Fred.'

'Hey, stupid! Don't start something you can't finish!'

Emergency room: 'You should have known better than tokiss your putter in this icy weather.'