Comedic Clairvoyant Pillows

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

Big Medium

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

When psychiatry works too well!

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

How cats see their home

Yuri Geller as a 7 year old.

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

Tree growing

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"Where do you see yourself 5 years ago?"

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

"I see a wild celebration...I see music, dancing, much food and revelry! . . . I see - oops!! Sorry....wrong party."

"I have an existential dread of falling off your couch."

"I'm looking for a book on ESP..." "I know..."

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'

'The mist is clearing.'

"If I admit that I was wrong I would be admitting to myself that my whole life and everything I am and believe in is based on lies!"

"Do I look like the sort who knows anything about lawns?"

Robot Psychiatry. But if I get in touch with my inner mechanisms, won't that void my warranty?