Comedian With A Love For Medicine Pillows

'I'll give you the symptoms, you give me the price.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.