Comedian With A Dark Edge Pillows

101 uses of a dead cat: toupee.

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Rap music

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Toy plane with pilot eject.

A private jet takes off

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

Tim Burton

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

Exit Next Left

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

Mo's Meet The Predators Safari Tours.

Midwest Winter Items.

"What is a drag queen's goal?"