Humorist With Edge Pillows

"If Hell exists, it's probably stuffed with Christians... Same as prisons."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Clown on bike.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Honest Vending

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'