Comedian Of The Cubicle Gifts

"I rely on a complex network of friends and co-workers to keep me in the dark."

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"Harris, I can read the annual report without the hand-holding, thank you very much."

'When someone asks where you work, what do you tell them?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"The meeting will come to order."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"Morning, all!"

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew