Combustion Connoisseur T-Shirts

'I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about external combustion engines.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'Time to buy.'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

I want a car that says 'I've arrived' but didn't use too much gas getting there.

Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market

'He's just come back from another management training course.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

The Hybrid

"But you both can't be the 'father' of Ammonium Pentoxide Phosphate."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'...at least it's done something for our image.'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

Spot the Higgs Boson competition

Devil Smokes Cigar

Man's dentures hold cigar.

"When I left Princeton, I spent a summer briefcasing in Europe."

'Oh no! I've had tons wiped off my footprint.'

"Try getting life insurance when scientists are always supplying you with tobacco."

"I want one that's going to fall apart. . ."

"Ralph said he'd give up cigars if I gave up Prince Charles and Di."

2020 Panic Room

Christmas card access

The Very Best of JOHN DOE

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

'I gave up smoking, drinking and sex...It was the worst fifteen minutes of my life.'

'She's going to six different psychiatrists for her compulsive comparison shopping problem.'

Nigel Farage

A cheap day's hunting. - No. III.