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Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

Staff Yearbook

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Do it write the first time.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

Quentin Tarantino

JET (Part I)

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"They're home...the party's over!"

"I was punctuating sentences long before you guys came along!"

Boardroom sacrifice - 'Then we agree - the shareholders don't have to know what transpired here today.'

Corporate Darwinism

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

Scouse For Beginners

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

Spellng Bee

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

For Pete's sake, Shirley, stop acting so smug about "getting carded." We were in a library.

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

Proof Reading

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

Oxford Lexicon of Excuses for Bad Grammar and Faulty Spelling.

'Yes, sure, certainly, you bet, of course, yeah, right, yep....'

'You understand, of course, that my memoirs must be written in ELITE type.'