College Tradition Explorer Gifts

I'll take you two on a trip. Where do you want to go? What are the choices? An old college friend has a lakeside cabin, another has a beach place. And � One has a horse farm we could visit. Wow! Inspirational! Yeah. Finally! A good reason to go to college. The better the school, the better the vacation house.

Go team!

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

Congratulations! All that cramming paid off.

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

Student Debt

'He's going to college, but he doesn't have an exit strategy.'

"He walked in, said he was a visiting scholar, and made himself at home."

"Enjoy university darling, and don't come back during the holidays, we're going to air BnB your room."

A man sitting in the grass reading

He's been teaching a class on fungi for decades! He loves molding young minds! Campus.

The Spring Break Venus

"My dad was really good at showing me how to throw poo. He was just never any good at explaining exactly why I should be throwing it."

A statue dedicated to "The Unknown Academic Infighter" stands outside a college campus.

"Your room is exactly how you left it before you went to college, except of course, for our boarder, Mr. Grunze."

Universidad

Here's the college for me! It's totally green. Let's see. I though you wanted warm weather. Look at the brochure. There's no snow in any of the pictures. The school is in Minnesota. Wow! Early signs of global warming. Who knew it hit college brochures first?

How were the academic departments on the campuses you visited? Dad!!! Stop stressing me!! College hunting is hard enough without you prying into every detail of my life! Arrghh!! How were the drama departments?

Campus Map: Philosophy Department

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

Hold it, I think I need something more than "because it's traditional."

I'm forgetting which college is which. Their brochures are all alike. University of. It's always fall or spring. Apply! There's always a multi-cultural group of kids hanging out. There's always a girl in goggles working in a science lab with an ethnic-looking prof. It's reassuring. They all celebrate their diversity in the exact same way! And charge the exact same for it!

Santa's elevator

"I'm leaning towards NYU."

'Oh he's my loans officer.'

After years of study & hard effort, you're ready to begin your life's work. . . paying off your student loan."

"This is a weird frat."

"I can't believe I'm in college. I never even found Waldo yet."

Quit texting! This is a lovely campus. Turn around. Let's go. We just drove 5 hours. What's the problem? Umm

Touring campuses with Twig was fun. Now I don't want to go back to work! Quit! I'm earning your tuition money, Teddy. Wait. You went to college to get a good job so